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Ferris Wheel

from Hoard by Toby Jackson

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about

The last song I wrote for the album, fittingly positioned.

lyrics

I meet you at the circus gates.
My hands are shaking,
Is this how I'm supposed to feel?

Fear's not my only trait,
Though I hide it well.
Somewhere in my head is this spiel,

That I wrote on the train on the way here,
'Bout how I'm funny and probably never here,
And I'm strong, the protector, but how I reject all those masculine labels.

But what's words over actions
And here I'm collapsing
And so it must be.
Are you even here for me?

I really wanna show you I can care,
I really wanna show you I can be there,
I really wanna prove to you that your feelings are safe with me.

I've never been on a Ferris wheel before,
That's why I'm leaning in
Close to you, I'm terrified of heights.

I just want something safe and warm,
Some stronger person
Who can bash the heads of criminals at night.

And I suppose that's why I'm scared to tell you straight.
It does not seem my right, it does not seem my place.
I will serve you, not to the ends of the earth but to the end of yours.

And I can't hold a house
But I could be your mouse
And I'd do that so well.
Keep me safe from all worries when the world is all hell.

I really wanna show you I can care,
I really wanna show you I can be there,
I really wanna prove to myself that my feelings are safe with you.

I always felt like the nurturer,
Never did anything
To further that displaced responsibility.

Maybe I'm scared to admit it
But can't escape
That I thrive on protected tranquillity.

If I were a man I would reach for your hand
As the Ferris wheel took us calmly to land,
But I am no man who can beg all he can to be loved.

To be loved seemed so active,
When I am retracting
Into myself.
And when you walked away, it could've been anyone else.

credits

from Hoard, released January 7, 2015

license

all rights reserved

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about

Toby Jackson York, UK

Toby Jackson is a singer-songwriter in York, but also Cambridge.

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